To start of, these lines are repeatedly used during the seasons:
Eliot Spencer: "Dammit, Hardison!"
Eliot Spencer: "It's a very distinctive...(something)"
Nathan Ford: "Let's go steal a..."
Alec Hardison: "Age of the geek, baby!"
Season 1
1x01 - The Nigerian Job
Eliot: "I'm going to beat Dubenich so bad even the people that look like him are going to bleed."
Parker: "You won't get within a hundred yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces."
Eliot: "He tried to kill us."
Parker: "More importantly he didn't pay us."
Eliot: "How is that more important?!"
Parker: "I take that personally."
Eliot: "There's somethin' wrong with you."
[after the con]
Parker: "What is it with women and shoes?"
Sophie: "There's something wrong with you."
Eliot: "That's what I said!"
1x02 - The Homecoming Job
[While getting ready to repel off of a building]
Hardison: "I gotta go back to the office, I just remembered something."
Parker: "What?"
Hardison: "I just remembered gravity. And the squishiness of all my manly bits."
1x03 - The Two-Horse Job
Parker: [Crawling through an air duct] "Looks like Parker's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people."
Eliot: [on comms, from the truck] "Parker, you realize that we can still hear you?"
[Parker sighs exasperatedly]
1x04 - The Miracle Job
Nate: "Could you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head?"
Parker: "Don't melt Santa!"
Hardison and Eliot: "It's not Santa!"
1x05 - The Bank Shot Job
Derrick: "Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are!"
Sophie: "I'm a thief."
Derrick: "Okay...I'm not sure what to do with that."
Parker: "Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get."
1x06 - The Stork Job
Nicolas: "So where are you from?"
Parker: "Where am I from? Oh, where am I from! Uh..."
Nate: [Through the earpiece] "You're from, uh...Pittsburgh, Detroit, Atlanta..."
Parker: "I'm from Pittsburgh, Detroit, Atlanta."
Nate: "I meant, pick one!"
Nate: "Where's Parker?"
Eliot: [walking into the office] "How the hell should I know?"
Hardison: "Can't reach her on the comms. She slipped the security grid at the embassy."
Sophie: "Where could she be?"
Hardison: "This is Parker we're talking about. She could be halfway across Europe by now. Trust me, she is gone."
Parker: [popping up to the left of Nate] "Who's gone? [everybody turns to her in surprise] What?"
1x07 - The Wedding Job
Eliot: "I don't have to type anything, right?"
Nate: "Sophie, where are we at?"
Sophie: "Huh? I don’t know, Nate. I think you need to ask yourself that question. You called me, remember? And now we’re working together every day. I don’t know what you want. And to ask me that dressed like a Vicar. You’re a very strange man."
Nate: "No, no, no. I meant where are we at with finding the money?"
1x09 - The Snow Job
Parker: "'A man with one watch knows the time. A man with two is never sure'...I had fortune cookies for breakfast."
Hardison: "...So what you had leftover Chinese for breakfast?"
Parker: "No, just the cookies."
Hardison: "Do you put milk on the fortune cookies..."
Parker: "It's not cereal. It's a fortune cookie."
1x11 - The Juror No. 6 Job
Eliot: "You have an orange. Alright, now convince me that I want the orange, not the apple... I'm gonna take a bite.... [takes a bite]"
Parker: "I put a razor blade in that apple!"
Eliot: [Spits out the apple] "Are you serious!?"
Parker: "Maybe, but do you know what doesn't have a razor blade in it? This orange."
1x12 - The First David Job
Parker: [Excitedly] "WE JUST STOLE AN EIGHT MILLION DOLLAR STATUE! On, like, our day off!"
1x13 - The Second David Job
Hardison: "Eliot, what does that say?"
Eliot: "It says "dead"."
Hardison: "D-E-D, dead, baby."
Eliot and Nate: "D-E-A-D!"
Hardison: "I... I know how to... I was throwing a little style in it, just a little bit. A little style. I know how to spell 'dead,' dammit! I can steal a bank, I can spell 'dead'!"
Season 2
2x01 - The Beantown Bailout Job
[Parker walks out of Nate's kitchen dressed as a nun]
Eliot: "She's dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con."
Nate: "What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?"
Eliot: "It's Parker."
Nate: "Ah. Fair enough."
2x03 - The Order 23 Job
Parker: "So let me get this straight. You're a doctor."
Nate: "Yeah."
Parker: "What if someone asks you to deliver a baby?"
Nate: "I'd say I'm not an obstetrician."
Parker: "What, a what?"
Nate: "A baby doctor."
Parker: "Well, what if there's a train accident and there's stretchers everywhere and someone points to you and says 'Hey you! Help me with this sucking chest wound!'"
Nate: "I'd stick my hand in the chest and, y'know, hope for the best."
Parker: "Oh, you are so not operating on me."
2x04 - The Fairy Godparents Job
Hardison: "Looks like an ordinary cell phone, right? It's not, man. It's a metal detector. See, it uses pulse-induction technology that sends out a current that generates a magnetic field, and then...are you even listening?"
Eliot: "Yeah."
Hardison: "Well, what'd I say?"
Eliot: You were explaining how you're still a virgin?"
Nate: "There are three general exceptions for house arrest: personal safety, death of a relative, and family events."
Eliot: "Personal safety. We could burn the apartment down."
Parker: [excitedly raises her hand] "Ooh! Ooh!"
2x05 - The Three Days of the Hunter Job
Parker: "Eliot, these conspiracies aren't real right?"
Eliot: "What do you mean?"
Parker: "Like that one over there that says all the major wars of the past fifty years were ordered by the council."
Eliot: "Parker, I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you."
Parker: [As Eliot is walking away] "You're not a member of the Council... are you? Eliot! [Looks at Nate] Is he?"
2x06 - The Top Hat Job
Security guy: "Remember when I said you had pretty hair? I was lying."
Parker: "Yeah? Well, so was I when I said you didn't... wait, dammit."
2x07 - The Two Live Crew Job
[Parker is staring intently at Sophie]
Sophie: "Stop it."
Parker: "It's like you're haunting us."
Sophie: "Parker, I'm not really dead. [Parker reaches to check her pulse] I'm not dead!"
2x10 - The Runaway Job
[after Sophie convinces the others to give Tara a chance]
Eliot: "She is hot."
Hardison: "Very hot."
Parker: "Hot. [everybody looks at Parker] Warm? Cold? Why are we staring?"
2x12 - The Zanzibar Marketplace Job
[Hardison suggests a vacation to Parker]
Hardison: "Two weeks in Tokyo. We'd have a great time."
Parker: "What are we stealing?"
Hardison: "We don't steal anything. We'd be tourists."
Parker: "Not following you."
[later on]
Parker: "So, I took your advice and did the whole touristy thing. Went to the museum, and it was amazing."
Hardison: "You see?"
Parker: "Yeah. They have a Guardian T-840 Security System. I've only seen those things in books. And the motion detectors--ooh, gorgeous! Six digital receptors. Six!"
Hardison: "What about the paintings?"
Parker: "What about the paintings?"
2x15 - The Maltese Falcon Job
Parker: "Don't worry. No one's ever died going in through an air duct."
Tara: "That's...comforting."
Parker: "Worst case, you slip and fall, break your legs, lay there for days scratching on the metal. It's like a long metal coffin. With wind."
Season 3
3x01 - The Jailhouse Job
Nate: "Guys, no. I committed a crime, I got caught, and now I am gonna serve my time."
Sophie: "Nate, what kind of world would it be if everybody that committed a silly little crime went to prison, huh? Complete madness."
3x02 - The Reunion Job
Nate: "What, are you lurking?"
Eliot: "Yeah. I'm a lurker. It's my thing."
3x03 - The Inside Job
Parker: [as they run away] "What's sexting?"
Eliot: [exasperated] "I am not having this conversation with you, Parker!"
3x06 - The Studio Job
Hardison: "Now, I rigged my laptop to record your com. Now this means that I can alter your pitch from anywhere to make you sound like Darth Eliot..."
Eliot: [voice like Darth Vader] "I don't speak on command, Hardison."
Hardison: "...to Spencer Smurf."
Eliot: [voice like Smurf] "I don't speak on command, Hardison."
Eliot: "Hardison."
Hardison: "Don't ever do the Smurf thing again? "
Eliot: "Right."
3x08 - The Boost Job
Eliot: "Damn it, Parker where'd you learn to drive?"
Parker: "Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver."
Hardison: "Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve."
3x09 - The Three Card Monte Job
Eliot: [after Parker tossed a crowbar at him] "You don't throw crowbars at people!"
Parker: "Sorry! [mimicked whining] 'You don't throw crowbars at people.' Could have just tasered him."
3x11 - The Rashomon Job
Sophie: "When I started telling them about one of my finest jobs ever..."
Eliot: "But I know she's lying."
Hardison: "She's a grifter. It's her job."
Parker: "Wait, I'm confused. Now, she's lying about lying?"
[Eliot's telling his version of the story]
Sophie: "Blimey governor, that there's loaded with sea roaches. That's British for shrimp, we have different word for a lot of things. It's a bit stupid in'it?"
Sophie: "It was en route. That's like stealing my mail."
Parker: "What, is stealing mail a crime? Oops."
3x13 - The Morning After Job
Eliot: "All right Nate, the guy in the bed with the dead hooker con is up and running."
Hardison: "Hey, man, it's called the Vegas wake-up call."
Eliot: "No it's not, all right? The Vegas wake-up call, the boyfriend shows up."
Sophie: "So. It's the lawyer, the prosecutor, the deal, and the dead girl in the bed. It's the Cuban sandwich."
Parker: [after she tasers the mark] "I am really starting to enjoy tasing people... Is that a problem?"
3x14 - The Ho Ho Ho Job
Parker: [after a weather report has predicted no snow for Christmas] "Well, I want flurries. Make it happen."
Parker: "Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!"
Nate: "You know that's not really Santa, right?"
Parker: "Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole."
Parker (to Eliot): "You're Santa, respect the suit!"
3x15 - The Big Bang Job
Parker: "Does it blow up?"
Hardison: "Not everything blows up, Parker."
Parker: "Everything blows up, silly."
3x16 - The San Lorenzo Job
Sophie: "Don't cry for me, San Lorenzo."
Nate: "You are utterly unclear on how to be dead. This is the second time in two years you've shown up at your own funeral."
Season 4
4x01 - The Long Way Down Job
[Hardison hugs Eliot a little too long]
Eliot: "Let go!"
Hardison: "I'm just so damn cold!"
Eliot: "I don't care, man!
Hardison: "Please, set me on fire, do something! Cause I'm all shivering and I think one of my nipples fell off."
Eliot: "Don't tell me stuff like that!"
Parker: "Tell him what?"
Hardison: "Nothing. Hey girl." [He moves to hug her but is denied]
Nate: "Okay, Parker, listen, you can climb a mountain, right?"
Parker: "I climb skyscrapers. You can walk up a mountain."
Eliot: "It's not the same. Are there avalanches on skyscrapers?"
Parker: "No. But that would be so cool."
4x02 - The 10 Li'l Grifters Job
Parker: "I've never been to a costume party."
Sophie: "Now that is just heartbreaking."
4x03 - The 15 Minutes Job
Eliot: "Stop-stop with the Star Trek stuff again! "
Hardison: "'Wars'! Damn it, it's Star Wars! And-and that CGI Yoda they used in the prequels, it was an insult to the puppet. They-you know-you know what, man? It's not even worth discussing. "
Eliot: "You're the only one discussing."
Parker: "I kinda like CGI Yoda. "
Hardison: "Eek!"
[Afterwards]
Hardison: "Parker, I'm not going to be able to unhear that CGI Yoda thing. Cut me deep, woman, that cut me deep."
4x05 - The Hot Potato Job
[Eliot on Parker hitting Hardison]
Eliot: "She gotcha man, you got a little blood right there."
Hardison: "Yeah, she got a right hook like a freight train."
Eliot: "She put her hips into it?"
Hardison: "I'm pretty sure she did."
Eliot: "That's my girl!"
Hardison: "Stop. Don't teach people how to do that!"
4x08 - The Boiler Room Job
Parker: [over the comms] "Hi, Hardison! "
Hardison: "Um... hello? "
Parker: "Nate won't tell me what the name of the job is. "
Nate: "Parker, not now. Please?"
Parker: "Yeah, but what are we stealing? Is it 'let's go steal a mountain' or a potato or a funeral or a panda or..."
Hardison: "I told y'all not to let her go to that festival unsupervised."
4x09 - The Cross My Heart Job
Nate: [on how they're going to steal an airline employee badge] "We're gonna twist Sophie's ankle."
[Later]
Parker: [asking how to get another badge] "How do we get do that? Break Eliot's wrist?"
Hardison: "What? No-no, we just pick one up from where the ground crew left it."
[Later]
Sophie: [discussing the final step-getting into the airline tower] "Well, we have to lure them out..."
Parker: "Oh! Okay, set Nate on fire?"
Eliot: [looking annoyed] "Settle down!"
4x10 - The Queen's Gambit Job
Sophie: "So, what, the salt was plan B?"
Nate: "No, no, that's, ah, that's plan M."
Hardison: "Don't I die in plan M?"
Nate: "Yeah, usually."
Hardison: "What you mean, usually? How many plans do I die in?"
Nate: "C, F, and M through Q."
Hardison: "See, that's a little close to home, man. You need to switch that up. How many plans does Eliot die in?"
Nate: "None. And [pointing to Parker] none. And [pointing to Sophie]...nnehh. So there is a plan where he [Eliot] comes out of it with a scar from the temple through the eye all the way down to his mouth-"
Parker: "Ooh! You'd look so cool with a scar!"
Sophie: "Wait, wait, wait, go back, hold on, let's-let's rewind--you skipped past me! You skipped past me."
Nate: "Well, I have one, there is a plan, but it's evolving."
Sophie: "Okay, that's creepy. Don't you think that's creepy? He's planning my death."
4x11 - The Experimental Job
Parker: "So, remember last night when you were playing with your pretend friends?"
Hardison: "They're not pretend, they're just not in the same room as me."
Parker: "They're an elf, a dwarf, and a thing with a tail. I'm pretty sure they're pretend. Remember when you took the thingy with the glowing thingy and used it to kill the guy who was on the shiny stuff and also there was all this magic?"
Hardison: (smiles) "I think so..."
Parker: "That was so cool. I mean how many people here are cool enough to kill the guy with the thing?"
Hardison: "You're right that was pretty cool."
Parker: "Yeah" (kisses his cheek and walks away)
Sophie (over comms): "That actually worked?"
Hardison: "No but the fact that she thought it would work, that worked."
Parker: "Should I tell him it's the age of the geek?"
Hardison: "He'll figure it out eventually."
4x13 - The Girls Night Out Job
Sophie: "How do we disarm it?"
Tara: "You're asking me?"
Sophie: "You were in the army."
Tara: "You stole paintings, that doesn't mean you know how to draw."
4x15 - The Lonely Hearts Job
Parker: "Let's go steal a sweetheart."
[Eliot shakes his head]
Parker: "A widow?"
Eliot: "Nah."
Parker: "A spider? A spider."
4x16 - The Gold Job
Eliot: "Did you take a bite of all of these?"
Parker: "I had to see which one I wanted."
4x18 - The Last Dam Job
[Hardison and Chaos finish explaining something technical]
Quinn: "Can I hit him?"
Eliot: "Which one?"
Quinn: "Either one."
Eliot [turning to Sophie]: "See, it's not just me."
5x01 - The (Very) Big Bird Job
Sophie: "That was the con I used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge the year we met!"
Nate: "I know. That's why I did it."
Sophie: "That's romantic."
Sophie: "We are going to have a serious talk about moving somewhere with less rain."
Hardison: "London has rain"
Sophie: "London has fog. Fog is mysterious. Rain just ruins my hair."
Sophie: "Why are you happy about this?"
Parker: "We're here."
Sophie: "Yeah, I know, we're here, get used to it."
Parker: "No, I mean, we're all here."
Sophie: "Oh. That's sweet."
Parker: "Yeah, me and my money, Hardison and Eliot, Nate and you..."
Sophie: "Parker, why does the money always come before the people?"
5x02 - The Blue Line Job
Nate (explaining the enforcers): "...It's sort of like the fear of having to fight one of them is what keeps everything cool."
Parker (non-chalantly): "Oh. Sherlings theory of rational deterrence. (everyone stares at parker in surprise) Cold war?"
Nate (hesitantly): "That's actually, terrifyingly, exactly right."
Sophie: "Fights in every period? Even on power plays?"
Nate: "How did you know...?"
Sophie: "This guy is like a minor hammer, like Dave the Hammer Shultz."
Hardison: "Did she...?"
Sophie: "What? A girl can't watch hockey?"
Nate: "What'd you steal?"
Sophie: (quietly) "Something hockey related. A certain trophy."
Nate: "No you didn't. Not the Stanley Cup. No, I saw it last year in Boston."
Sophie: "No, that was a fake. And not a very good one. No no no, sorry. My engraver, was awful."
Nate: "Ok, so where's the real one?"
Sophie (in her con voice): "I don't remember."
(later)
Nate: "Are you messing with me?"
Sophie: "When did I ever lie about a grift?"
Nate: "So tell me. Tell me where it is."
Sophie: "Look, there's Vlad."
(later)
Nate: "So is it some place warm?"
Sophie: "I don't remember."
Nate: "Is it in Boston?"
Sophie: "Nate, I don't remember!"
Nate: "Are you sure it's the Stanley Cup?"
Sophie: "That I remember."
Nate: "Where's the last place you remember having it?"
Sophie: (Smiles) "I don't remember."
Parker: "Did I fall asleep again?"
Hardison: "Ya."
Parker: "How did the movie end?"
Hardison: "Soylent Green is people!"
Parker: "WOAH!"
Hardison: "I know."
5x03 - The First Contact Job
Hardison: "You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist."
Eliot: "Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. (Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look) You never know when you might have to fight an alien."
5x04 - The French Connection Job
Parker (to Nate): "I don't have a thing... Eliot has a thing, he loves food. Sophie loves theater. You have a sicko love of controlling people."
5x05 - The Gimme a K Street Job
Parker: "What do I know about teenage girls?"
Nate: "Um, You were a teenage girl?"
Parker: "Only sort of."
5x07 - The Real Fake Car Job
Nate: "Marshall I know you're upset but you can't really blame him for something that happened yesterday. The past is the past. You can't blame him for something that happened 20 minutes ago, 2 minutes ago. What you need to be thinking about is what's going to happen next."
Sophie: [listening on the comms] "Could somebody record this? I want a record of this!"
5x09 - The Rundown Job
Eliot: "You guys stole a Michelangelo with tin foil and chewing gum! Figure it out!"
Like I said, the series is still going. When I have time I will add some new quotes. For now, all I can say is, start watching the show if you aren't already. I really like the writing. What I love is how all of these characters are so unique. They really are. And they are all a little quirky. Especially Parker. She has a dark past and is the least 'normal'. Which gives her some amazing lines and she keeps surpising the viewer with it. So, just because I really, really love Parker's character:
For more information, please check:
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leverage_%28TV_series%29
- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1103987/
- http://www.tntdrama.com/series/leverage/
For more on Christian Kane and his wonderful voice:
- http://christiankane.com/
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Kane
- https://twitter.com/ChristianKane01
- http://www.myspace.com/christiankane
- http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianKane
And for more quotes:
- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Leverage
- http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/leverage/
- http://www.fanpop.com/spots/leverage/forum/post/42806/title/best-quotes
- http://sharetv.org/shows/leverage/quotes
Leverage airs at TNT, usually on Sunday's if I'm correct ;-).
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